G.G.C.-2244 (HOLE 3)

On the way down from the elevated hole 2, there was a little drama. They all were coming down the spiral staircase when all of a sudden, 'Vladimir' bumped into the back of 'Granny'. He was in a rush to get to the next hole. 'Vladimir' said "WATCH OUT....COMING THROUGH!!" with no regards of 'Granny' struggling to carry the heavy bag in front of him. 'Granny' yelled softly..."Hold your Horses Mister!" He bumped her again and she tumbled down the remainder of the stairs. About 40 yards up from the ground. She was at the bottom of the stairs and all that 'Vladimir' could say....."that's more like it......HAAR..HAR HEEE...HAARRR!" and kept walking. The other golfers immediately went to help 'Granny'. She had gotten banged up pretty good. She was 115 years old. Fragile. She broke her hip. 'Granny' was done at (+1). 'Vladimir' showed no remorse. This was only an 'accident' to the judges. Around the corner 'Vladimir' was in deep discussion with one of the 'judges'. Who happen to be a fellow comrade. The comrade bowed down to 'Vladimir' and said "No problem Mr. President." and went away.
The 3RD hole was a 987 yard par 4. This was a rocky coarse. It was a cut between the middle of a mountain. A sharp right after you get between. 400 yards to get in between the mountain. Then a right turn. 75% sharp. It was another 587 yards after the cut in between the mountain. The mountains on each side were about 125 yards high. Remember, this was the hole 'Sir Walter Byron Nelson' aced last year. He actually drove the ball over the mountain and holed it. He was a beast. The first to go was 'Tigre Woo' at (-4). He decided to try to rip the ball over the mountain. His dad handed him a 4 iron and told 'Tigre' to go for it. He said "o.k." He shot. The ball was up and away. It hit some shrubbery on top of the mountain. The ball rolled from the top of the mountain and worked itself on the way down. (DOINK....BONK...DOINK...WOOOSH....BONK!) The ball fell 40 yards away from the green. 'Vladimir' was chuckling....rude...."GOOD SHOT LITTLE BOY.....HAAA....HARRR...HAA!" What a jerk. During the time 'Tigre' was shooting the ball. His parents were on the edge of the tee box watching their son and so was everyone else. The 'Comrade' was switching out his baby bottle when no one was watching with one of his own. A bottle full of 'laxative'. 'Vladimir' couldn't kill a baby......but he could throw a wrench in his game. Next to go was 'Sir Walter Byron Nelson' at (-3). He loved this hole. He lined up for the exact same shot he did last year and let the ball rip! CLINK! What a shot! Directly into the hole. WOW! Because the velocity of the ball it bounced out of the hole and landed 3 inches from the cup. He walked all the way over to the green and tapped in. BIRDIE!!!! Next was 'Yin Lee Chang' at (-2). There was no way she had the muscle to hit the ball over the mountain. She wasn't going to even try. Her and her robotic caddy were in a deep conversation. The reached a conclusion. LAY UP........ DUH! She took the shot with a 4 iron and drove it straight as an arrow 475 yards. She was past the cut. 515 yards to the hole. Next was 'Johann Svenick' at (-1). He figure, over the mountain......no problem. He took and 3 iron and hit the ball. The ball flew high as a kite. Flew over the mountain, but hit a tree. The ball was on top of the mountain. He figure that it was like climbing the Alps back in Sweden. No problem. Next was 'Vladimir' at (+1) he was at the tee and turned to the players and people and made an announcement. "ATTENTION EVERY...BODY....I PLAY SMART...I HIT BALL IN ZEE FAIRWAY.....I...!!!!!" Everyone yelled....."SHOOT THE BALL!!!!" He replied.."O.K........Vladimir shoot ball." He hit the ball.....straight as an arrow.....hit and rolled 2 feet past 'Changs' ball . He turned his attention towards 'Chang' and said......."I BEAT YOU....I HIT FARTHER.....VLADIMIRS BETTER...." dancing up an down. He was 513 yards to the hole. Last, but no least...'Mate McClubber' at (+1). He wanted to try to clear the mountain too. Hopped to the tee.......took a driver......hit..BANG!!! the ball flew a mile high. Cleared the mountain by 100 yards. The ball was on the way down. It cleared the green too. The ball went 1225 yards. 238 yards past the hole. OUT-OF-BOUNDS. Next was 'Yin Lee Chang'. 515 yards to go. Her robot stated...."The winds are gusting from left to right from over the mountain at 45 mph. Hit the ball at a 67.36 angle right of the flag stick with a 5 iron." ' Chang' agreed. 'Chang' hit the ball. The ball was riding the edge of the mountain and when it had gotten higher the mountain. The 'gusts' caught the ball. The ball hooked 50 degrees and headed straight for the green. The ball landed on the green and stopped 3 feet from the cup. 'Vladimir' said "YOU SOOO LUCKY......HAR...HAAA...HARR...LUCKY LOOOOOONG TIME..HAAA!!!"
'Chang' put her hand up at 'Vladimir'......"talk-ah to zee hand-ahh" Walked away. Next was 'Vladimir'. He was 513 yards from the hole. He was about the same place 'Chang' was. He did the exact same thing. The exact same result except.............When the ball hit the green it rolled and bumped into 'Chang's' ball. The ball knocked 'Chang's' ball in to the hole. EAGLE! 'Vladimir' was enraged. Yelling......."THAT NO COUNT.....THAT NO COUNT!!!!" The judges of the tournament disagreed with 'Vladimir'. The judges say..."It is what it is......an Eagle 2 for 'Yin Lee Chang'" "Yin Lee Chang' was happy and telling 'Vladamir'....." thank ah you.....me love you long time....ha ha ha ha.." His ball was 3 feet away from the cup now. During these events 'Johann' was making his climb up the mountain to play his ball. He was 'on top of the world'......... I mean the 'mountain'. He was 125 yards above the hole. His caddy suggested to putt the ball over the edge. 'Johann' said "why not!" He putted the ball over the edge.......(DOINK.....DONK.....SWOOSH....CLANK...DOINK!!!!!) it was headed in the right direction. At the bottom of the mountain, the ball bounced off a rock and flew 40 feet into the air. Landed on the green and rolled 1 inch from the cup. Walked down the mountain and tapped it in. BIRDIE!!! Next was 'Tigre' the tourney leader. He was 40 yards off the green. He was in a zone. Dad handed him pitching wedge and said "be yourself." Smile and turned away. Tiger was ready to shoot. He was in his back swing when 'Valadmir' yelled "FORE!!!!!" That startled 'Tigre' during his swing. He flinched and the wedge hit into the ground and knocked a 1 foot deep divot in the fairway........the ball moved 5 feet further. 'Vladimir' said......."I'm soooooo sorry.....thought I saw something........it twas zee bird flying over head....ooopppps." and chuckled to himself. This caught the Judges attention. 'Tigre' just wobbled over to the ball and lined up to hit again. During 'Tigre's' backswing, he yelled again. "ZEE BIRD...ZEE BIRD....IT'S ZEE BIRD!!!!" Once again....(THUD!!) 'Tigre' did it again. Another 5 feet. A judge ran up to 'Vladimir' and held up a 'Yellow Card'. Golf was now the world sport. Same rules for penalty apply as in 'futbol'(soccer). 'Vladimir' yelled in defense..."ZEE BIRD WAS FLYING AT ME FACE!!!!AAAARRRGGHH!!!" To no avail the 'Yellow Card' was in effect. 'Vladimir' walked away. 'Tigre' was shooting 4. 30 yards from the green. He shot. The ball hit the green and rolled to the hole. The ball hit the flagstick and stopped 2 inches from the cup. Tap in. BOGEY!!! Next was 'Mate McClubber' He dropped his ball in the drop zone that was located 5 feet off of the green. He dropped. He was shooting 3. He chipped the shot 4 feet away from the cup. NICE SHOT! He hopped on over and sunk the putt. PAR!!!! 'Vladimir" was next. Three foot putt. Knocked it in. BIRDIE!!!!
LEADERBOARD (HOLE 3)
1.(-4) Sir Walter Byron Nelson 1.(-4) Yin Lee Chang 3.(-3) Tigre Woo 4.(-2) Johann Svenick 5.(E) Vladimir Chekov

G.G.C.-2244 (HOLE 2)

Hole 2. This was a ELEVATED 545 par 3. The green was on a elevated plateau. The greens dimensions were that of a rectangle. The green was 100 ft up in the air. It was 125 yards across and 175 yards wide. It was like a flashback of the movie 'Close Encounters of the Third kind'. The wind was blowing more rapid the higher you got. 55 mph gusts up top. The first to step to the tee was 'Tigre Woo'. He was the leader at 2 under. He was on the tee about to swing, when all of a sudden 'Vladamir' was making distracting noises. To Vladimir, this was payback. He wanted to kill that little boy for causing him to 'double bogey' on the first hole. He hit the ball....up and away.....looked like it was going to fly over the hole and miss everything. The wind gust caused the ball to hit a fly-by bird.(DOINK!) The ball fell on the green. It was still rolling. The wind helped the ball roll a little faster. (Like this was an act of God or maybe just luck) It rolled towards the hole and fell in. HOLE IN ONE!!!! 'Tigre' couldn't see what had happened. His parents were able to see the shot on the 'floating image device'. They were overwhelmed. They pushed the stroller to the tee and told 'Tigre' to get in. Dad said to himself...."that's my boy." Next to go was 'Sir Walter Byron Nelson' at 1 under. He was determined. There was no stopping his focus. Walked to the tee. He passed 'Tigre' and said "Nice shot little chap." Sir Walter stepped to the tee. Staring at the elevated green. He hit the ball. It was a perfect swing. Solid hit! It flew and landed on the green and rolled in the cup. HOLE IN ONE!!!! Back to back aces. An amazing feat. You could hear the roar of the world in the distance in Colorado. He wasn't going to let Tigre run away with the lead at this stage of the tournament. Next was 'Yin Lee Chang' at 1 under. She saw what had happened and wondered if she could do the same. Very doubtful. With all of her mental calculations in order.............She swung. The ball was in the air flying towards the elevated green. Right on target. Hit the green and rolled towards the cup. It hit the cup and lipped out. It was 4 inches away. She yelled back at the judges....."DID IT GO....DID IT GO!" They said NO. Vladimir was watching on the monitor and started laughing. 'Chang' walked up to 'Vladamir' and said..."they don't teach manners in Siberia at Barbarian school." He put his hand in her face and said "TALK TO ZEE HAND". "Hmmphh" she said and turned away. Next to go was 'Granny' (even) par. She was tiring from carrying her own bag. The hole was very far away for her strenght. She took out her driver and smashed the ball. It was actually carrying. believe it not it landed on the green with a full head of steam. It rolled right by the hole and continued to fall off the hole. OUCH! 100 yard drop. She was going to be allowed a drop on the edge of the green. Next up....'Johann Svenick'. This hole was a perfect fit for his height. He walked up to the tee with a 4 iron. He glanced at the elevated green. He was thinking......'it's almost like hitting a ball on top of the Alps. No problem. He hit and the ball sailed sky high. It bounced at the back edge of the green and had tremendous back spin. The ball rolled back passed the hole and stopped 20 yards past. He was on. 'Mate McClubber' was next. He was unsure on how to hit the ball. His caddie handed him a 4 iron and said (again) "Let her rip!" He hopped to the tee and lined up to shoot. 'Mate' hit the ball. The ball didn't catch to much lift. It was like a deflated balloon at light speed. The ball hit three feet below the edge of the elevated green and stuck like a thorn in somebodies side. It was on the green.....technically.Last but not least....'Vladimir' at 2 over par. He stepped up to the tee. He turned his attention to the 'Woo' family and said..."Keep zee little one quiet and put zee plastic thing in zee mouth and SHUT UP!!!" 'Vladamir' wanted complete silence. He lined up to shoot. It was quiet. He shot the ball. Excellent swing. The ball flew and landed on the green. He was 10 yards from the hole. 'Vladamir' was arrogant and cocky. He started doing the 'Russian Kick Dance'. Arms folded, bent down, left and right leg going back and forth. He yelled....."THIS IZ HOW YOU DO IT!!!" Repeating it over and over for around 45 seconds.


The elevated green had an Ancient looking staircase to get to the top. All the golfers, with the exception of 'Tigre' and 'Sir Walter' had to make the journey up the stairs. 'Granny' had a difficult time making it without a caddy. If she wasn't careful........she could over-exert herself. She made it....................barely. At the top the first to go was 'Mate McClubber'. His ball was wedged on the side of the green. He took a pitching wedge and kneeled next to the edge. He could reach the ball. He was thinking of was how to play the ball. He got it. A 'boom-a-rang' shot. To hit the ball with enough spin that it would curve onto the green. From his knees, he was down to take the shot. He felt it out. A couple of practice swings from that position. He swung. "Mate' skinned the ball with his club and got it to go straight up in the air. The ball flew about 50 yards in the air. The ball started to curve in flight. It hit on the green 2 feet from "Mate'. The ball stuck. Great recovery. He was only 123 feet from cup for Par. 'Granny' was next. She got to drop in the drop spot. The spot was 174 feet from the hole. She made the drop and was shooting 3. She envisioned the shot and read the green like a sharp-shooter would. She decided to hit by instinct. She knew the distance. Grabbed her putter. Her eyes were closed. She had the 'force'. She hit the ball. She kept her head down. Everything was quiet. Eyes closed and head down. The ball was rolling...........(clunk!) Par!! What a shot. She fell to her knees out of exhaustion. "Mate' was still over 120 yards from the hole. 'Mate' was hitting his third shot. He hit the ball. The ball rolled to the right of the cup and went 15 yards past. Next was 'Johann' he was hitting for a bird. He was 20 yards away. No problem. Twenty yards to a man of his size was equivalent to a tap in. He knocked it in. BIRDIE! 'Mate' was lining up for his 'bogey' attempt. 15 yards to go. Nailed it. BOGEY! The next was the ever so arrogant, cocky 'Vladimir'. He grabbed his putter and lowered to the ground and putted the club like a pool stick. BIRDIE! He was jumping for joy. Doing the Tiger Woods fist pump. That was the universal sign for greatness. "I'M ZEE BEST....I'M ZEE BEST...HARR-HARR...ARGGGHH!" Pumping his chest like the 'monkey' he was. Last to putt was 'Yin Lee Chang'. She tapped in. BIRDIE!
LEADERBOARD (HOLE 2)
1.(-4) Tigre Woo 2.(-3) Sir Walter Byron Nelson 3.(-2) Yin Lee Chang 4.(-1) Johann Svenick 5.(E) Linda 'Granny' Walker 6. (+1) Mate McClubber 6.(+1) Vladamir Chekov.

G.G.C.-2244 (HOLE 1)

It was a perfect day for golf. Sunshine, clear skies and the temperature was 72 degrees. There were winds at 15-25 mph. The first hole was a (1162 yard Par 4). It was pretty flat, dog leg left. The first to tee off was the defending champion... 'Sir Walter Byron Nelson'. His robotic caddy handed him a driver and said "My G.P.S. calculations compute.....the fairway is 475 yards before the dog leg left. Be very wary of trying to cut the corner due to the left to right wind gusts. I highly recommend a 35 degree hook with 75% velocity. Sir Walter agreed and drove the ball about 625 yards in the fairway. Next to tee was 'Johann Svenick' of Sweden. He went for the short cut into the wind and failed. Johann had hit the ball 700 yards into the rough blocked by a bush. Next was the "Granny". With a robotic caddy. She hit the ball right down the middle. A whopping 250 yards. Next was 'Matt McClubber'. He hopped to the tee. He had a Australian caddy. Handed him a driver and said to let it rip. He was the drive 'King' but, had no short game. He had a mammoth shot over the turn of the fairway. A 945 yard drive. Right into the bunker that surround the green. The green was oblong. 100 yards across and 175 yards long. The ball had so much velocity that it went 7 inches into the dirt in the bunker. (He was stuck.). Next was Vladimir. He was approached by his human caddy....cautiously. He was handed a driver. He took it. Lined up to swing the club and hit the ball. During the swing,the caddy accidentally dropped the golf bag(thud!!!) Vladimir hit the ball. Big Slice out of bounds at 550 yards. Vladamir turned to look at the caddy. The caddy was 'high tailing' out of there. In fear for his life. (the G.G.C. RULES STATE.....IF YOUR CADDY BECOMES INOPERABLE OR ISN'T THERE.......YOU MUST CADDY YOURSELF.) 'Vladamir' was on his own. Next was 'Tigre Woo'. He wobbled to the tee with his father(caddy). He was nervous. He soiled himself. Judges called 'Time' so that Mrs. Woo could change his pampers. Tigre was back after 5 minutes. Got his driver from his dad. Everyone around the world...watching. They had never heard of this guy. They all saw in amazement. A 4 year old child drive the ball with a slight hook to the edge of the green. WOW! A 1055 yard drive. His dad quickly handed him his pacifier and said "good shot, Tigre!" His mom put him back in his 'stroller'. Next was 'Yin Lee Chang'. Her caddy was robotic. With the power of a 'Granny' she hit a 2 iron, 300 yards into the fairway. She played it safe. They all headed down the coarse for their second shot. Minus Vladamirs caddy. The first to hit was "Granny." Her caddy was 55 year old piece of junk but, this was her caddy! The caddy started to smoke and clutter. He burst into flames. The directors and judges put the fire out quickly. The caddy was inoperable. Granny mumbled....."I shouldn't have bought him from a yard sale." She knew that she had to carry her bag the rest of the way. She was an experienced golfer. She knew the game. She pulled out a 3 iron. She hit the ball another 200 yards into the fairway. She was very accurate! Only another 712 yards to go. Next to go was 'Chang'. Calculating all the variables of shot. She and Robotic caddy knew what to do. 4 iron over the trees and into the 20 mph winds to get a nice, high slice. She hit the ball. Up it went over the trees, caught the wind and sailed 600 yards into the fairway. She was about 150 yards from the pin. Great shot! She was 10 feet off the edge of the green. Next was Vladamir. He had to take a drop and a stroke penalty. He dropped the ball in a playable position. Carrying his own clubs he took out a 6 iron. Was approx. 600 yards from the green. He lined up to take the shot. Looked around with an 'evil' glare to make sure everyone was still. They were. He hit the ball over the green and into the bunker. He snapped his club in half. He was disgusted. Next was 'Sir Walter Byron Nelson'. He was about 500 yards to the pin. He used a 7 iron. Hit the ball and it flew onto the green. Coming to rest around 3 feet of the hole. NICE! 'Granny' was next to hit again. She had about 600 yards to go. Took out a 'rifle scope' from her bag and used it to look down the rest of the coarse. Stuck her thumb in her mouth to get it moist and stuck it in the air for wind direction. Same 3 iron and hit the ball 350 yards this time. Only about 160 yards to go. Next to go was 'Johann' with 360 yards to go. A bush was blocking his shot. He didn't care. He used a driver again and with all his strength hit the ball and the bush as hard as he could. Johann uprooted the bush. The ball and bush were in the air. The bush flew 100 yards while the ball carried another 300. WOW! He was on the green. 75 yards from the hole. 'Granny' was the furthest from the hole still. It was her 4TH shot. Having to carry her own golf bag....it was extremely tiring to a women 115 years old. 'Granny' was huffing and puffing a little bit. Her bag with all of her accessories weighed around 45lbs. She was a tough old lady. The true..."one tough grandma!". She stared down the next shot like she was a sniper shooting mouse hiding in a haystack. Put down her 'scope' grabbed her 9 iron and swung. The shot was right on target. The ball sailed in the air, hit the green bounced one time and landed in the hole. PAR...PAR...PAR. What an amazing Par! 'Yin Lee Chang' was staring the pin from 150 yards away. Grabbed a 8 iron, waited for the wind to settle, lined up and hit the ball. Her calculations were perfect. The ball sailed and hit the flagstick and fell in. BIRDIE! 'Mate McClubber was standing in the bunker. The ball was buried. He took a sand wedge and hit the ball in the sand.(CLUDD!) The ball bounced up and went 2 feet in front of him in the bunker. (It wasn't buried too deep anymore.) He lined up to take his third shot from the bunker. He shot and the ball stopped 15ft from the hole. Nice save. 'Vladamir' was in the other bunker awaiting to take his shot. He heard a couple of chirps from a couple of birds. 'Vladamir' went tyrant. "SHUT UP! QUIET! SHUT UP! AAARRGGGHH!" The birds flew away. He was hot and took his bunker shot. Great shot. It stopped 2 inches from the hole. "YEEAAAAHHH!" he shouted. pumping his wedge in the air. Yelling "THAT'S A GIMME....THAT'S A GIMME!"......The judges disagreed. Next was 'Tigre'. He stood up from his stoller and his dad handed him a pitching wedge and said.."Tigre, picture that your inside the garage..." Tigre stood there to take the shot. He shot. The ball went towards the hole and rolled in. EAGLE! 'Chang' was on her third shot. 10 feet off of the green. She took a pitching wedge and holed the shot. Amazing! BIRDIE! 'Johann Svenick' was taking his 75 foot putt attempt. Missed by a foot and then tapped in. PAR! Mate McClubber' was lining up for his 15ft putt. It was his 4TH shot. He hit the putt. Nice and easy. Straight for the cup. It was slowing. It was heading for the cup and got to the edge and just stopped rolling. Vladimir was being rude. "Har-Har...Hee-Hee!..." Mate turned and started to HOP towards Vladimir. The vibration made the ball fall into the cup. PAR! 'Sir Byron Nelson' was next. A three foot putt for birdie. No problem. BIRDIE! Last but not least. It was 'Vladamir's' gimme. He lined up to hit the putt when all of a sudden during his backstroke........(Tigre Woo was in his stroller eating 'gerber' cookies when a crow flew down and grabbed a cookie out of Tigres' hand.) He yelled in TERROR! AAAARRRGGGHH!!! Vladimir's putt edged the cup, he missed and the ball was 3 inches away from the cup now. He looked back at Tigre, pointed at the parents and said......"he won't be the first!" with an evil laugh. He tapped in. DOUBLE BOGEY!
LEADERBOARD (HOLE 1)
1.(-2) Tigre Woo 2.(-1)Sir Walter Byron Nelson 2.(-1) Yin Lee Chang 4.(E) Mate McClubber 4.(E) Johann Svenick 4.(E)Linda "Granny" Walker 7.(+2) Vladimir Chekov

GLOBAL GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP (year-2244)

It is year 2244. There are no more golf tourneys on the week-ends. There is only ONE. One tournament played once a year. THE GLOBAL GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP! The format and courses are very different. The world was not the same. Global Warming crippled most of the Earth. Technology and really, really smart scientist were able to save civilization. There were still seven continents, but mostly covered by water. The world population was around 2 million people. The scientist developed an invisible atmosphere that surrounded the planet. Everything was controlled. Temperature, day and night, wind gusts etc.....The human way of life was still the human way of life. There were still people of different races, color and creed. Cultures were the same. The Asian race worshiped TIGER WOODS. He was their God now. Golf was the only thing the world could agree on. Only a few people in the world were able to acquire the rare golf membership to play in this once a year tournament. The field was only 7 people. 1. Yin lee Chang....A 12 year old professional from China. She was an expert in the science of Aeronautics and mathematics. Genius!.I.Q. 199. 2. Mate McClubber ....A six year old kangaroo from Australia. He was a genetic science experiment. The mixture of kangaroo genes and human. This person could hit the ball over a 1000 yards. He had minimal control though. He was the world record holder of the longest drive ever. (1322 yards). That gave him a lifelong exemption to play in this event. He was a student of "THE JOHN DALY STORY", the book. 3. Sir Walter Byron Nelson....A 44 year old gentleman from England. He is the 3-time defending champion of the world. He is favored. His skills are beyond spectacular. The record holder of the longest hole in one. (A 987 yard par 4.) This was the 3RD hole on the championship event....(last year 2243). 4. Johann Svenick ..... A 22 year old, 7 foot 11 inch mammoth of a guy from Stockholm, Sweden. Former National Player of the year in Basketball. Captain of the Swedish National basketball team, (5-time Olympic Gold medal Champions) His father Scotty Svenick is the board director of this event. Johann was the runner-up in this event two years in a row. Last year he missed a 240 foot putt, by one inch, that would have set up a playoff against Sir Walter Byron Nelson. 5. Linda "Granny" Walker.......A 115 year old women from Texas. She was a mother of 5 children. 38 grand children. 24 great grand children. 16 great, great grand children. Her specialty was her amazing short game. A 115 year old women that doesn't tremble and shake. She came from a family of sharp shooters. A family of snipers. Assasins? Maybe........ Harvey Lee Oswalt was a 'scape goat'.....catch the drift! She never shared that family secret. 6. Vladamir Chekov........The 50 year old President of the Soviet Alliance. Threaten to start World War 10 if he wasn't allowed to play. He was an average golfer but, mean as an Alien with no humans to dissect. This guy once killed a caddy for breaking the pencil lead of his pencil when he was writing down his score. He said the small crack of the pencil was the reason he didn't hole in one the Par 3 he was playing on. And finally number 7. The name was Tigre Woo. Great, great, great, great great, great great, nephew to the immortal Tiger Woods. He was 4 years old. This was his first time playing this tournament. His family won the entry from a scratch-off ticket in a 'Wheaties' cereal box. Tigre was born on a virtual golf coarse in the garage of his parents house. He was a natural. He had the spirit of Tiger himself. His father, retired N.A.S.A space cadet, his mother, Kung-Fu Olympic gold medalist. A master of the arts. She had never lost any matches. Met each other on accident. They had a mid-air fender-bender leaving a Thai restaurant. No roads in 2244. Cars flew like the 'Jetsons'. The field was set for the 18 hole tournament.
The place where the tournament is being held is in America. The mile high city of Denver, Colorado. The coarse was put together with a variety of countries helping out. With the skill level of golfers being much greater than the ones we know and love. A par 3 in 2244 was a par 5 in 2008. That's 236 years of development. The game is alot different. This is why this is a ONE round tourney. The coarse is named 'GODZILLA'. The mind behind this coarse design was .........JAPANESE! It was a 18415 yard Par 73. That's 10.46 miles long. It was a monster.
The tournament allowed no spectators on the coarse except for the directors of the event and judges. Plus....camera crews. This was televised globally. Televisions were stationary floating image devices that could be shown anywhere. Free to anyone in this civilization. This event is sponsored by golf giant.....DRINKANDDRIVEGOLF.COM. They are the leading money sponsor in the world for the sport of golf. Television coverage provided by SHOPGOLFGIFTS.COM. Let the games begin........((CONT.....))

Who's the Next One?

((***If Tiger Woods....flew an airplane, what would you call him?....))
The fact about any athlete, there is always going to someone better. Can you imagine? In golf, when Nicholas was on top of the world, everyone thought that he was the best EVER! He was for his time. That was back in the day to me. Who's going to succeed Tiger Woods. It's going to happen. You are going to see a guy drive a Par 4in one shot....consistently! Amazing. This person might be an offspring of Tiger himself. He might (hole in one) a Par 4 in the 'Masters'. WOW! Here comes the 500 yard drives that hit straight into the fairway. It's going to be time to extend the coarse length. Can you imagine a 500 yard Par 3? An 900 yard Par 5? They will make balls that float a mile. Clubs that swing themselves at the 'push of a button'. Caddies that require 'LUBE and OIL' changes. All Caddies will have built in G.P.S. They will be mechanical. R2-D2 or C3PO. A flag stick that resembles a 'light saber'. Professional golfer teething for the first time while sucking on pacifiers. A 2 year old U.S. Open Champion. That would be the day. What the future holds is yet to be determined.....understand...it will come! Maybe not in my predictions, but change WILL HAPPEN! ((*** A pilot......you prejudice son of a BITCH!))

WISHFUL(ENDORSEES.....)

I promote drinking and driving on my web site...www.drinkanddrivegolf.com
I always think of people who would be ideal to endorse my products. The first candidate I had in mind would be Bill Murray. I heard about his golf cart incident in Europe when he was drinking and driving the golf cart. How funny that would be....
The second candidate, which is my favorite, would be John Daly. Imagine if I could AFFORD TO GET John Daly to endorse my product line. John is by-far the REBEL of golf. It's all about fun for him(to an extent). It's all about 'wishful thinking.
I could never in my lifetime afford to get these endorsements, but a good imagination is healthy for the soul. Golf tip #1((free)). Before you can execute a shot...you must be able to vision the process of the whole shot in your mind. Your body can never execute until....your mind tells it what to do. Concentration is essential in success. Try it, before you knock it!

"BARACHO" Golf

THIS DRINKING GAME IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AND RESPONSIBLE ADULTS. NOT FOR MINORS!!!! PLAY GAME RESPONSIBLY. IF YOU ARE NOT A SERIOUS DRINKER OR IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE YOUR ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION.....DON'T PLAY!!!!!
1. NEEDS 9 DIFFERENT BARS OR 9 ROUNDS OF DRINKING AT HOME.
****if you play at the bars, designate a driver or take a TAXI!!!
2. MONEY(NOTHINGS FREE)
****the pitch and putt version is(5)rounds or bars. (your choice)
3. WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND PLAYING THE PITCH AND PUTT VERSION!!

SCORING.....
1. BEER(BOTTLE OR DRAFT) = PAR
2. SHOT(70 TO 95 PROOF) = BIRDIE
3. SHOT(100 PROOF OR MORE) = EAGLE
4. HOLE IN ONE CAN ONLY HAPPEN ONCE PER ROUND ON THE FINAL "HOLE" by doing all THREE
ITEMS IN 60 SEC. OR LESS. = HOLE IN ONE
5. EVERY HOLE IS A PAR 4
6. THE ROUNDS ARE 60 SEC.
7. YOU CAN TAKE UP TO 5 MINUTES BETWEEN ROUNDS.
8. THIS GAME IS NOT INTENDED FOR EVERYONE!!

BOGEYS.....NO EXCEPTIONS!!!
1. IF THE 60 SEC. IS EXCEEDED... = BOGEY
2. ACT LIKE YOUR FEELING SICK... = BOGEY
3. ACTUALLY RALPHING.... = DOUBLE BOGEY

WOMENS TEE....(1 BEER = 1 COOLER OR GLASS OF WINE)

BONUS SCORING....
1. EVERY 'I DRINK AND DRIVE' PRODUCT YOU ARE WEARING A THE TIME OF PLAY IS A STROKE
BONUS PER ITEM WORN.EXAMPLE(A SHIRT, HAT AND BOXERS OR THONGS WITH 'I DRINK AND
DRIVE' ON IT MEANS YOU WOULD START THE ROUND (-3)).

.....PLAY RESPONSIBLY AND DON'T DRIVE A CAR!!!! DRIVE A GOLF BALL....IT'S SAFER!!!
GOTO..... WWW.DRINKANDDRIVEGOLF.COM

******** DRINK AND DRIVE GOLF DOES NOT PROMOTE UNDERAGE OR IRRESPONSIBLE DRINKING.
DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE A CAR. DRINK RESPONSIBLY!!!!!!